Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Sex talk...and talk...and talk PART II
About 2 weeks after Dr. Fieldman's advice, in the car:
Laura: "How are things going with you and Jeffrey?"
Emily: "Good, I guess."
Laura: "So, you're still feeling comfortable with your physical relationship? Everything is still okay in that respect?"
Emily: "Ummm...for the most part. I mean...I'm still okay with having sex, but sometimes it...like...hurts a little."
Laura: "When does it hurt - in the beginning? Middle? End? After? And how? Burning? Pressure? How would you describe the pain and what are you guys doing when you're in pain?"
Emily: "Ummm...I guess it starts hurting in the beginning, with a little burning and, like, pressure...and it continues to hurt some..."
Laura: "That sounds to me like a lubrication problem. If you aren't sufficiently aroused sexually, your body doesn't produce enough lubrication for the experience to be comfortable, especially when you're using condoms - and you're using the condoms, right?"
Emily: "Yeah, we use the condoms."
Laura: "Okay. At home I'll give you a bunch of lubrication packets that came with your sister's suction tubing and G-tube care packs. You can spread some of that on the outside of the condom, especially the tip, after he has put the condom on and before he enters."
Laura: "I can't even BEGIN to tell you how uncomfortable I am with these conversations!!!"
Daniel: [chuckle] "Better you than me!"
A week later, Emily texts Laura:
Emily: "Hey, so, um, Jeffrey's dad is out of town and he asked Jeffrey to house-sit for him. Jeffrey invited me to spend the night, so I won't be home tonight."
Laura: "Uh, I don't feel comfortable with that, Emily. I know you're wanting to be treated like an adult, but adults PLAN things like this. They pack a bag. They grab their toothbrush and meds. Daddy is expecting a text from you with the address so he can pick you up on his way home from work."
Later that night:
Daniel: "Phew. THAT was MESSED UP!!!"
Laura: "What happened?"
Daniel: "Jeffrey's mom says he's like a 16-year-old. Well, MOST 16-year-old boys would NOT meet the dad of his girlfriend for the first time by answering the door in his boxer shorts. MOST would think to at least PRETEND he didn't JUST have sex with the guy's little girl and would put some freaking pants on! I was good, though. I took a deep breath and somehow staved off the incredible urge to castrate him on the spot. Emily had to get dressed and gather her stuff, so that gave Jeffrey and I some time to talk. I figured I might as well try to bond a little, since it looks like he'll be around for awhile. I started with video games. I'm a gamer, he's a gamer...I make video games; I figured it'd be a safe starting place. MAN...that kid is REALLY into violent games...like, REALLY, REALLY into it. I don't freak out easily about that kind of thing, but he was pretty intense. All I could picture was me being interviewed by a reporter months from now after he's gone on some killing spree and saying, "Yeah...he seemed pretty excited about his cyber kills...", so I asked him if he owns a gun."
Laura: "You didn't!"
Daniel: "I did! And you know what he said? In an irritated voice he said, 'NO! I try to get one, but Dad keeps changing the combination to the lock on the gun case.'"
Laura: "Oh...MAN...let's just hope he was just over-excited to be talking to a fellow gamer...and that he doesn’t crack the code on his dad’s gun case…"
About a week later, in the car:
Laura: "So, is everything still going okay with you and Jeffrey?"
Emily: "Yeah, I guess."
Laura: "He's treating you with respect? You're both pretty happy?"
Laura: "And the lubricant helped the sex problem you were having - that's all good now? You're both all happy in that area?"
Emily: "Well...the lubrication helps. Sometimes Jeffrey gets frustrated, though. He wants to...you know...finish..."
Emily: "Yeah. He wants to, but sometimes he...can't."
Laura: "Okay...is it a positional thing, you think? Have you guys tried different positions?"
Emily: "Umm...position doesn't seem to matter; it happens in different ones."
Laura: "Boy, Em...I don't know if I have a quick, easy answer for this one. I know he can't talk to his mom, I have no idea if he can talk to his dad. He's definitely not someone I want to see frustrated. Um...it could be a number of things. For all I know it's a side effect of one of his medications, but I can't know for sure unless I talk to him. If he feels comfortable talking to me, tell him I might be able to help him out."
Later that night:
Laura: "PLEASE don't let him want to talk to me, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!"
Daniel: "Man...I don't know how you're surviving these conversations. Can't they just BREAK UP already?!"
And then...just like that...about 2 weeks later, in the car:
Laura: "So...how are things with you and Jeffrey?"
Emily: "I kinda broke up with him. I was okay with trying out the sex thing, but...it's like that's ALL he's ever interested in! I mean...I guess I don't mind doing it, but I want to do OTHER things, too, and he never wants to do any of the stuff I want to do!"
Laura: "Well, I'm sorry that didn't work out, sweetie, but you walk away from this experience gifted with an important lesson learned. It's a really good idea to do other stuff with a guy BEFORE sex so you'll know that once you add sex you still have other interests in common. I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself!"
Later that night:
Laura: "Sweet Jesus, it's over! I didn't know how much longer I could survive being the "3rd member" of that relationship!"
Daniel: "Lucky you. You're done with it. I have to live with the image of that kid meeting me at the door in his boxers for the rest of my life! She's done with the boy thing now, right? We won't have to go through this again, right? ...Right?"